Two pervs at the movies review Burlesque
This week’s movie: Burlesque, starring Cher and Christina Aguilera and a cast of minions and Kristen Bell (yeah!). The pervs: myself and my 77-year-old bachelor uncle M.
First, we saw the movie exactly where it should be seen – at a run-down, wannabe-sleazy discount theatre within walking distance of my parents’ North End home in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
Burlesque is directed and written by one Steve Antin, a former actor who was in the movie The Goonies. The dialogue includes lines that even Cher can’t sell: “You’ll be out on your ass so fast your head will spin!” Christine Aguilera and Cam Gigandet (of Tacoma, WA) also star. If this is supposed to be Aguilera’s bid for movie stardom, she couldn’t have picked a worse showcase.
To make matters worse, Burlesque barely registers on the perv scale. Aguilera and Bell are no Elizabeth Berkley and Gina Gershon (good girl/bad girl in Showgirls) and the only (mild) thrills come during some of the more elaborate dance sequences.
But even then the dancing is tame and there’s shockingly little (as in “none”) T & A for a movie presumably about burlesque. In fact Burlesque resembles the actual burlesque routines I’ve seen the same way movie strip clubs resemble real-life strip clubs, i.e., not at all, although at least in the movie and HBO strip clubs you might actually get to see Eva Amurri naked.
So on a perv scale, Burlesque gets a low 3, and even that’s being generous. However, the Lady Gaga Monster Bum, I mean Ball, 2011 Calendar gets an eight.